Gu Man Read Translations the Healing Sunshine
And now, with this final, poignant letter of the alphabet from Chen Nian to Zheng Yi, we have finally come to the stop of The Youthful You Who Was So Beautiful . It's been a really long, and absolutely, occasionally painful translation journey, especially when I had to wrestle with myself over word choices, mull over how to all-time convey the nuances, the beauty, and the tiny, lovely details in the novel. Information technology's taken a good four years to finally translate The Youthful You Who Was So Beautiful from start to finish, and I will remain forever grateful for your patience.
Epilogue 2: A letter of the alphabet from Chen Nian
Officer Zheng:
Hullo.
In the blink of an heart, four years has passed.
Lifting my pen, I've come up to a realisation that I have no idea what to say.
I've been performing well academically, and am currently enrolled in a Primary's Degree Programme.
The reason why I'm writing this letter of the alphabet, is because Officeholder Xiao Yao had told me, that in lodge for Bei Ye to leave Xi Cheng for Hong Kong whilst he was nevertheless on parole, I would have to furnish some form of documentary evidence in order to show that both Bei Ye and I possess optimistic and motivated attitudes. I'yard non sure whether this letter is sufficient to constitute the required documentary proof.
I didn't manage to catch you when I returned to Xi Cheng to choice Bei Ye up on the mean solar day of his release from prison. I understand from Officer Xiao Yao that y'all happened to be in Beijing that 24-hour interval for piece of work meetings.
On the topic of welcoming Bei Ye home from prison, a minor incident occurred on the mean solar day of his release. When Bei Ye emerged from the prison house compound, he was completed empty-handed; he didn't have a single cent or item on him, other than the clothes which he was wearing at that point in fourth dimension. I was extremely nervous then, as I was worried that the dress which I purchased for him wouldn't fit him properly, but the wearing apparel surprisingly fit him similar a glove. I suggested burning his prison uniform in order for him to be rid of his bad luck, but Bei Ye gently refused my proffer.
He said, that he would never ever burn or destroy, whatever other clothes in the future.
He even told me, that fifty-fifty if nosotros were to burn his prison house uniform, we would never exist able to burn down, or truly eradicate, what he had washed, and where he had been.
I told him, that that's fine.
Although two months has passed since Bei Ye'southward release from prison, I can still recall and visualize every single particular about that very day. It is equally though Bei Ye had just been released from prison house but yesterday; and yet, I have already received multiple calls from Officer Xiao Yao urging me to submit documentary evidence in relation to Bei Ye. Since the documentary prove would, in any event, be submitted to y'all for your review, and must showcase both normalcy, and a positive, motivated attitude (on both Bei Ye's and my role), I thought it would be easiest to write y'all a alphabetic character.
You've continuously written to me since nosotros parted several years ago. And, Officer Zheng, although I've never told you and then, I am, in authenticity, extremely grateful for your letters – considering you never ever failed to include updates almost Bei Ye and his life in prison house in your messages. I was always concerned that Bei Ye would exist selective when writing to me, and written report only skillful news (whilst omitting the bad) in lodge to ease my worries. Information technology was only when I received your letters that I could rest assured.
The reason why I never e'er replied your messages prior to this, was simply because, I didn't want to speak to you. I knew that you were helping Luo Ting and her friends, and I found myself unable to accept the injustice of information technology all – why weren't you able to stop Wei Cai earlier? And why, after all that has come to pass, did you decide to help Luo Ting and her friends receive a lighter penalty?
Luo Ting and her friends have been afforded fresh opportunities and chances to reform time and again – only, what about the pain, the suffering, and the horror that Bei Ye and I went through?
4 years ago, on the night I was trampled, crushed, and bullied, I experienced, for the first time in my life, intense hatred. I hated that city. I hated every unmarried person that was built-in in that city – including you, including my mother who had no pick but to live and piece of work in another city, including me (the me who was tirelessly strove to mature and abound into a stronger person, and notwithstanding, constantly failed at every turn), and including my opponents who, despite being the same age as me, were scarier than adults, as they were inexplicably granted the protection, and the right, to undertake actions that hurt, and injured, others.
Only, somehow, the intense, all-consuming roller coaster of emotions which I felt that dark, gradually cooled, and I am at present no longer capable of naming and describing in detail, the emotions that were coursing through me at that precise moment in time. The passage of fourth dimension has immune me to gradually heal my wounds, and granted me the luxury to sieve out all my negative memories; I originally idea that whenever I recalled my time in Xi Cheng, I would run across nothing just sorrow and desperation, and yet, looking dorsum now, the simply things that stand up out in my memories are – the lush mulberry trees, the gentle glow of the road lamps in the evening, the solitary swing, the elaborate blossom ear cuffs, the dried plums, the sugariness pasty bears, and the heavenly scent of freshly baked staff of life in the evening.
Or perhaps, another possible reason for my ability to gradually allow my bitterness and hatred go, was because on that very night, I slept on Bei Ye'due south bed, in his embrace – by encircling me with his arms, and embracing me that night, Bei Ye helped to shoulder a good one-half of the pain and torment I felt. Yes, I felt it that night – Bei Ye helped to share (and relieve me from) at least half of my anguish. Simply, none of you would always be able to truly understand the experience which Bei Ye and I shared.
This unique experience is something which belongs solely to us – Bei Ye and I.
I've actually begun my journeying of gradually erasing Luo Ting and her friends from my memories a long time ago; merely, my choice to forget, does not equate to forgiveness.
Having studied the subject field of Law for then many years, I've seen my fair share of the justice that Law is able to accomplish; and, likewise, the injustices that inadequate Laws fail to correct.
There was a course that I attended, which discussed the topic of the committee of crime by juvenile offenders. The professor facilitating the word was of the view, that an overemphasis on retributive justice (such that the offender undergoes the exact same corporeality of suffering inflicted past the offender on its victims) may event in excessive penalisation beingness imposed onto the offenders, and the corrosion of the basis of the police force. My professor mentioned that this was particularly so for juvenile offenders – if juvenile offenders were not afforded an opportunity to redeem themselves, and were instead forced to lose suffer a penalty then immense that information technology would cause them to lose their unabridged future, there would exist greater tendency for such juvenile offenders to veer off into the wrong path, and morph into serious offenders one time they've been discharged – and ultimately, this would be destructive for society.
My professor also emphasised, that the Police was merciful and humane; as such, the Law should serve to maximize the chance of the integration of rehabilitated offenders into club (with such rehabilitated offenders developing into useful members of society) whilst simultaneously ensuring that appropriate and proportionate punishments are meted out to offenders.
I find myself unable to corroborate of my professor's views, which appears to place too much emphasis on the rehabilitative attribute of the Police force.
Simply because, but a portion of offenders will truly rehabilitate and stay on the correct path.
But, I am self-contradictory every bit well, because whenever I think near Bei Ye, all thoughts of retributive justice flies out of the window, and my only promise is that the Law would care for him with greater kindness, greater compassion, and greater leniency.
See – aren't we homo beings hypocritical?
Not long ago, I received an amends letter from Luo Ting. Scanning through her letter, I felt extremely calm, and didn't have whatever particular thoughts most her, or her apology.
I feel that Luo Ting's decision to apologize and mend her ways is a slap-up effect. Just, I've never seriously contemplated whether or not I should choose to forgive her, and what she did to me.
Fifty-fifty now, I continue to feel, that the leniency afforded to people similar Luo Ting, is unfair and unjust to victims like me.
But, at the aforementioned time, I am as well forced to admit, that if, the Constabulary too, is also solely focused on revenge and retaliation, and the joy and elation derived from such vengeance, so the world will exist chaotic and terrifying.
I don't wish for that to happen.
I guess, that the current me, has simply institute a delicate residual in the two opposing theories of the Police force (whether justice should be retributive, or rehabilitative).
When I was immature, I e'er compartmentalized, and segregated, the world into ii exclusive groups – if something was not right, and so it had to exist wrong. There was no middle ground. For instance – if a person displayed a few bad characteristics, then I would view him every bit an entirely bad person; conversely, if a person showcased a few good characteristics to me, then I would classify him as an entirely skillful person.
But, as I grew up and encountered an increasing number of people and situations, I have come up to the realisation, that humans are the near circuitous and complicated organism in the natural globe. Each homo being is multi-faceted, and his or her personality, diverse; he could be hypocritical, nonetheless 18-carat; he could be evil, still kind; and he could be ugly, however beautiful – it was possible for all these characteristics simultaneously co-exist and reside in the aforementioned heart.
No, to put information technology more accurately, it was inevitable, and necessary, that all these characteristics simultaneous co-exist, and reside, in the same heart.
In this vast, broad world, there is no single centre that is filled with solely genuineness, kindness, and beauty; there is no single heart that just possesses adept and positive characteristics, without simultaneously possessing the characteristics that are diametrically contrary of such good and positive characteristics.
Such persons, with such one-dimensional hearts, simply practise not exist.
With our hearts possessing such conflicting, opposing qualities and values, it is little wonder that our hearts are constantly engaged in struggles in trying to discover, and create, an acceptable, fragile, residue.
Just like, how, many, many, years ago, I deliberately mentioned the picture Titanic to Li Xiang, and purposefully brought a knife to my appointment with Wei Cai – I entertained the idea of killing Wei Cai; this is an evil thought.
Just similar, how, many, many, years ago, in order to ensure that his impersonation of the raincoat man was complete and perfect, Bei Ye entertained the idea of killing Lai Zi – this is an evil thought. But, when Bei Ye finally met up with Lai Zi, he found himself unable to bring himself to slay Lai Zi, and had, at 1 indicate in time, fifty-fifty decided to abdicate his plan to murder Lai Zi. Past a twist of fate, withal, under the influence of alcohol and in a fit of rage, Bei Ye ultimately opted to bring the wrench down on Lai Zi's caput.
Yeah, we are constantly searching for that delicate residue; sometimes, we neglect, and we mistakenly head down the wrong path, and sometimes, even though we've strayed, we still manage to discover our way back.
Bei Ye told me that his years in prison were, in actuality, skillful for him. The judgment and sentence meted out to him actually served equally a brutal wake-upwards call for him, and helped to throw the chaotic and directionless manner in which he had led his life up till now, into sharp focus.
Although I remain unsure every bit to whether Bei Ye was only saying that to condolement me, but I tin tell, that the Bei Ye in front of me now has indeed changed, and grown, into a more mature person.
What remains unchanged, nonetheless, and continues to remain true for me (whether now, or 5 years ago), is that I have never met anyone more resilient, or more gentle, than Bei Ye. He is like the sturdy, constant road lamp that gradually lights up in the evening as darkness falls.
There was a period of time when, every single time I thought of him, of him being robbed of his freedom, of him beingness forced to tread a path filled with never-ending darkness, and of him, despite being thrust into such despairing circumstances, persistently and tirelessly detailing every single scrap of dazzler and joy in his life in his letters to me –There was a bird that landed on the windowsill outside my jail cell today, information technology had such cute, vivid green feathers. I discovered a tiny bloom that bloomed in the crevices in between the walls today, its petals are colored a soft shade of pink. – every unmarried time such thoughts crossed my mind, I would be seized with an irresistible urge to weep.
How is it possible, that an unfathomably skilful person such every bit Bei Ye, exists?
Yesterday, he accompanied me to the piercing shop to become my ears pierced. Whilst we were walking on the street, he suddenly raised his head to gaze at the azure blue heaven and said to me, "Piddling Stutterer, look.
Doesn't that deject look like a heart?"
Raising my head to gaze at the sky, I replied, "Yeah, information technology does."
The gentle summer breeze was gently brushing against the clouds,
Ah – the deject now bore greater resemblance to a flower than a heart. Bei Ye chuckled, "Now information technology looks like the flowers which y'all drew on your ears on the date of the hearing."
"Yes, it does." I murmured.
At that place was a a catamenia of time when I subconsciously diameter a great amount of resentment against y'all. But, gradually, I discovered that the root of the problem was never you – rather, it was me.
Every single decision fabricated by a person – the ultimate decision making power, and the responsibleness for the making of such decisions, lay with that person, and non with anyone else.
Over the years, I've lost count of the number of times I've wondered – what if, on that very twenty-four hour period I stabbed Wei Cai, I didn't plow to Bei Ye, merely instead dialed your mobile number and asked you for aid? Would things have turned out differently?
If so, could I accept spared myself from the crushing fear and and terror that suffocated me throughout the entire summer? Could I have saved myself from the countless number of days and nights which I spent trembling in fright?
And, could I have spared myself and Bei Ye from the hardship and suffering that ensued in the post-obit years?
But, unfortunately, what's done, cannot be undone.
And ultimately, even if we were to reverse the passage of time, my pick would still remain the aforementioned – I wouldn't accept picked up my mobile phone to ask for your help. I would accept chosen, still, to plow to Bei Ye, immediately, without a single moment of hesitation. Considering turning to him, is instinct. Considering he is the only person in the unabridged world whom I'yard able to trust and rely on, with every single fiber of my being.
We share our joys, and nosotros share our sorrows. We share the lite, and we share the darkness.
I remember, that during that period of time, Bei Ye frequently asked me, whether I trusted him.
Of form I did.
Every unmarried fourth dimension he asked, my trust in him grew stronger, and stronger.
He said I'grand not responsible for Wei Cai'due south expiry, then I believed that my hands were make clean. And information technology is precisely this belief, and this certainty, in my own innocence, that has granted me the ability to commence, and persevere, in my pursuit of Law.
Never in my unabridged life, have I encountered someone who protected me as thoroughly every bit Bei Ye did – he, who protected my heart from being corroded by darkness, and he, who protected my soul, allowing it to remain pure and complete.
Merely who could take idea, and who could have foreseen – this person, who protected me so thoroughly, and and so completely – the suffering, and the ordeals, that he had to go through?
Bei Ye once said, that he hoped that I would be able to comprehend what was meant by the sentence "We are all in the gutter, but some of the states are looking at the stars." I think, considering of Bei Ye, I am finally, gradually, starting to sympathise.
In one of your letters, you had asked me whether, despite all that I've been through, I continued to believe – in truth, in beauty, in kindness, in goodness, and in trust and belief itself.
Officer Zheng,
I am now able to tell you, that considering of Bei Ye, and solely because of Bei Ye, my answer is "Yes".
Chen Nian
1 Nov 2019
Source: https://dramasbooksandtea.wordpress.com/2020/04/21/the-youthful-you-who-was-so-beautiful-epilogue-2/